ten commandments resting on my head...

yesterday my new glasses came in the mail. i had noticed my eyesight was gitting worse - mostly just from being with my husband and realizing all he could see that i couldn’t. i found myself saying in my head “wow! he can see that?! so i should be able to see that clearly?!” over and over again. 

so something had to be done….eye exam. check.

so they come. i immediately rip open the package, put them on, and as i stare out our back porch window, things suddenly became so incredibly clearer. the tan spots across the yard had become individual blades of grass. i could clearly see all the details of the power poles. the things i look at everyday had become so different, so much more clear and defined.

later that evening we were at an engagement party for our friends zac and rebecca and i was telling my mother-in-law about my experience earlier in the day. as i was telling it i couldnt help but think of how it so greatly told the story of the israelites.

 my story. 

i immediately said to her, “its like i was suddenly wearing the ten commandments on my head!!” 

without God’s perfect standard given to us, we think we’re not really that bad, everyone is like this, everyone feels this way…fill in the blank. but when we hold God’s standard of holiness and righteousness up beside our life, when we see just how holy he is and how far we fall from that, we realize the truth of our condition. 

i realized the truth of just how bad my vision really was as soon as i looked through my new glasses. it became apparent that i was actually supposed to be able to see those blades of grass.

so thanks matthew, for being the one to share the good news with me. it wasnt exactly what i wanted to find out - whoa, i cant see. but after i realized it, i now have sight!

its so exciting that through jesus we can truly have life, the life that we’re supposed to have. not the one we’re deceived into thinking we have apart from him, its not life to its fullest. so may we all embrace our need for glasses and not only that…but be the one to simply go through life with those around us, sharing what we see now that we’ve been given a new, truer and clearer perspective of just how things look, so that those who dont know may realize just how much they can’t see, and from there gain sight.

"It changed my life!"

We've all heard someone make this heavy statement after a return from serving abroad.  But what does it really mean? What does this really look like?

After a time of serving overseas, it's often hard to answer the flood of questions you receive when you return.  

"How was your trip?!" 

"Tell me about your trip!"  

With these questions, it becomes almost impossible to know where to even begin describing all you have experienced and learned during your time away.  If you're anything like me, it sometimes takes me a while to process what exactly happened, and begin putting the pieces together into anything that makes sense.

Over a month ago I was asked to share about my recent time in Kenya with a group of people at the church I grew up at.  I had some time to process everything, but really felt God urging me to go deeper.  

I found myself then trying to answer a different question: after all the missions experiences I've been blessed to be part of,  taking place on 4 different continents, how have they shaped me? How have they 'changed my life?' 

After some major time reflecting, and quite a bit of journal digging through the past 6 years, I started relearning those experiences all over again.  I felt that a large part of my time in Kenya was to simply relearn what ministering really looks like.

Looking back, I see that God has shown me that nothing happens without being in communion with Him and in community with my brothers and sisters around me. I love this statement made by Henri Nouwen. 

He says,

    "You cannot not minister if you are in communion with God and live in community. A lot of people are always concerned about" 'How can I help people? Or help the youth come to Christ? Or preach well?' But these are basically nonissues. If you are burning with the love of Jesus, don't worry: everyone will know. They will say, 'I want to get close to this person who is so full of God."

Community is something that doesn't necessarily come natural to us, especially in our culture, but when we cultivate it and model ourselves after the early church we see in scripture, God begins to work in amazing ways through us!

I've also learned so much about how everything we "do" doesn't necessarily mean just "doing." I missed this for many years, and am still learning and wrestling with this concept.  Often, ministering simply means seeing people, spending time with them and just loving on them, even if that means we sometimes feel like we're not "doing" anything at all.  It's not always what I do with my hands, and where I go with my feet, but how I love with my heart.  

Are we always adding value to those around us, wherever we may be?  

Again, Henri Nouwen puts it brilliantly,

    "More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time and freedom to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or be a part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around the urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social or spiritual progress. But I wonder more and more if the first things shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them."

When reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning a few years ago, it hit me that there tends to be two ends to a spectrum when it comes to how we approach life as Christians.  On one end we have the attitude that we are nothing more than lowly, unworthy sinners saved by God's grace and mercy, which is completely correct! And on the other end we have the attitude that says we are somehow worthy of our new identity in Christ and all the hope and love and life that comes with our adoption.  We sometimes forget where we were, and who we used to be before we met Christ.  

Being at either one of these extremes is, well...extremely dangerous.

We must strike a balance between the two.

We must remember where we have been and yes, that we are totally and wholly unworthy, but at the same time realize that we are now joint heirs with Christ.  He has not only justified us through faith, but has made us worthy to receive the life He has for us in Him.

How this plays out in ministry is that we must serve, wherever we are, with a confession of weakness that identifies with whoever we find ourselves ministering the love of God to.

    "The more I think about the meaning of living and acting in the name of Jesus, the more I realize that what I have to offer others is not my intelligence, skill, power, influence, or connections, but my own human brokenness through which the love of God can manifest itself...Ministry is entering with our human brokenness into communion with others and speaking a word of hope. This hope is not based on any power to solve the problems of those with whom we live, but on the love of God, which becomes visible when we let go of our fears of being out of control and enter into His presence in shared confession of weakness."  - Henri Nouwen

My experiences around the globe have shown me that I can do absolutely nothing without Christ. He must be the first. He must be the very last. He must be everything. 

I can do absolutely nothing without you.  I am powerless to truly know Christ or myself without being in authentic community with my brothers and sisters around me.

If I am busy going and doing and can't tell you any names or stories or paint you word pictures of the faces I have seen, then I have missed what God really intended for me to do.

And if I cannot serve from a place that identifies with those I am serving, then I have not been honest with them about the love of God that meets everyone exactly where they are.

littlestmakings launch! -my new shop!

hey guys! so as you know if you've been reading anything i've posted lately, i've really gotten into antiques and restoring! so, i decided to open up a little shop with vintage pieces and a few repurposed and handmade items as well!

so go on over and check it out!!

littlestmakings.bigcartel.com

more lessons from my corner cabinet

A few weeks ago i shared my story of the corner cabinet with some ladies at 5L's women's ministry at the request of my sweet mother-in-law.  It was such a wonderful time and i was so excited for the opportunity to share my story via restoring furniture! As i was preparing to share that night, i couldn't help but see that there is so much more to my little cabinet's story!

You know, it's true that i spent quite a bit of time working on the cabinet, cleaning it, restoring it and giving it new life, but i didn't do all of that in order to keep it downstairs in the basement.  Since then, I've brought it upstairs into my kitchen and have began to put things inside it and on its shelves - my china, a cake stand i made, mementoes from our wedding, a photo or two, and a pair of candlesticks.  There's not much else I can fit onto or into it, and i'm perfectly happy with it! It is doing exactly what it was made to do - look cute and store my stuff!! :)

I'm sure that if my cabinet could talk, it would say that it probably feels a little out of place when it remembers where it was before and how dirty it was.  It might would even say that it doesn't deserve to be in our home, holding the new and spotless china that rests on it.  However it could possibly feel, it would be forgetting that it has been made new and it is perfectly deserving of the spot it has been given in the corner of our kitchen.

As i thought about these things, however silly they may seem, i found but yet more parallels between this cabinet and myself.

There comes a point when i must move from the basement where i've been made whole and new, to my place upstairs in the kitchen, holding all the new and spotless items on my shelves.  I've got to move from the place where Christ met me and gave me grace - in the pit - and into the place that he has had for me all along, doing the things he has made me to do, allowing myself to be clothed in his likeness. 

I can't forget that i've been made new, and that i do not look like the old me, so why should i act like it?  I've been cleaned up, to be clean {Eph. 5:1}, and to let my light shine before others so they may see my good works and glorify my father which is in heaven {Matt. 5:16}.

There's not going to be any light shining to anyone from the basement.

There are other times when i'm, metaphorically speaking, in the kitchen but have all the wrong things on my shelves, and i have to confess that, asking Christ to clean me up once again, and lead me back to what i was made to do - glorifying him in everything {1 Cor. 10:31}.  

Where am i? Am i still in the basement? On my way up the stairs? Am i in my corner?

What do i have on my shelves? Selfishness? Love? Pride? Patience? Obedience?

There are times when I too, like the cabinet  feel completely overwhelmed and undeserving of where i am now, because of where i used to be.  But it is only because of the father's great love for me, his neverending grace and unfathomable faithfulness to me that i am who i am today.

I want to be perfectly situated in the corner he has for me.

I want to have exactly the right things on my shelves,

...that my light may shine so my Father, the great Restorer may be glorified in all places, in all languages,  by all peoples.

He is worthy.

where would jesus shop part II coming soon!!

where would Jesus shop? flea market or ikea?

this summer my father-in-law introduced my husband and i to a show on the history channel called american pickers. let's just say i have a new favorite show. i love how these two guys go around to old barns, dig through people's junk, dust, (and who knows what else!) in order to rescue old broken and beat up pieces and give them new life in someone's home!  the things they find are incredibly unique and are worth so much money!

recently i've gotten into a little pickin' myself! i love going to the flea market or antique shop in search for a super unique piece or furniture or just a little trinket at a really good deal.  i found an old corner cabinet last fall.  it needed painting and a little restoring, but i could see the potential! (i'm not so sure matthew could, however!) but with a couple days work of sanding, cleaning and painting, I now have a super-cute corner cabinet in our little kitchen!

through the process i couldn't help but be reminded of how i share that corner cabinet's story.  i too am worn, chipped, cracked and in need of a new paint job.

and thankfully i have a saviour who came in and saw some potential in me when others might not have.  he's been sanding on me for a while, painting me new little by little.  im not perfect, but i've been and am still being restored.

i could have ran out and found something brand new, no work involved, and no love needed.

i didnt. i chose the one that needed love.

he could have given up on me and went out and found someone else, someone who maybe hadn't messed up like i have.

but he didn't.

he chose me.  he chose to love me in spite of my flaws.  he chose to pay the price for me, removing the debt i owed because of my sin.  he didn't get a good deal either, there was no bargain.

there was only one price to be paid. a sinless, perfect, righteous sacrifice. and he's the only candidate for that.

he gave himself. he died to buy me, canceling my debt, giving me new life.

praise him that he dug me out of that old, dirty barn! he redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with steadfast love and mercy, and satisfies me with good so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Ps.103:4-5)

and you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. this he set aside, nailing it to the cross. he disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.   colossians 2:13-15

he doesn't start over again when we mess up.  he loves us, changes us, and makes us new.  he doesn't trade us in when we're cracked - going to the nice, neat showroom full of shiny and sparkling flawless people.  that place doesn't exist.

i think jesus would shop at the flea market.  i think he does everyday.

the power in a face

photo by christof flaschmann

tonight was one of the most bizzare nights i've had in a while.


while sitting at barnes and noble, i realize that there's a group of about 6-8 atheists sitting around talking right behind me. my heart started burning.


Lord, what do you want me to do?  I started jotting down my story, thinking what in the world do i have to say to them? What have you done for me that sets me apart from someone that doesn't know you?


suddenly i realized that you're in control. if i ask, you'll give me the words. if i step back, you'll lead me. i must only be willing.

God's will is not a place of a position. Im convinced its an attitude of submission. - Nathan Smith
So here i am.

His face is stuck in my head, in my heart - pushing me on to meet the rest of those sitting beside me at the coffee shop, taking my money at the store, in the seat beside mine on the plane.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O God.

goodbye march, hello april!

march...you were pretty good to me, i mean you've brought me greener grass, budding trees, flowers pokin' their little heads out here & there, and a little more sunshine on my skin too! let's not forget that you took me to austin, charlotte and few trips to asheville too. i mean, i get along with you, march. but its time to part our ways. im glad some things are behind me (spanish presentations, bleh! and just schoolwork all around).

but before you go, i want to thank you for a couple things...

jesus has visited me in huge ways while you were here. im so grateful for new friends, new insights, and new habits (good ones too!).

goodbye march, i'm excited to see what will be happening when drop in again.

so that brings me to you, april.  i have no idea whats going to happen while you're here! i do know you are my last month of college! wahooohaha! i cant believe you're here! but if i must be honest, im a little scared of when you leave. i really have noooo idea whats in store when its time for you to go. april, you're about the last thing im certain of. i know, mostly, what you'll look like. probably not too many surprises.

but while im anxious for you to be over with, i want to drink you in too.  i want to understand new things with you, i want you to be life-changing for me, april! i hope you've seen what me & march did and decide to pick up just where we're leaving off!

im ready for ya, april! and not too many fools tomorrow!!

feeling a little bloggy

yep. i am today. maybe its the dose of artsy i just received and the fact that its cold outside today all combines to bring me to my little blog...twice in one day no less.

i was reading in psalms...my journey i started last summer almost complete now, and in chapter 134 it says

come bless the Lord, all you servants of the Lord, who stand by night in the house of the Lord! Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the Lord! May the Lord bless you from Zion, he who made heaven and earth!

thats it. thats the whole chapter. a little short i thought. so i started to put it down and then it hit me, bless the Lord! yeah, do it. praise him for all he's done and for who he is! so i started saying things out loud {matthews not here :)}.

i started saying all these things that i know him to be...faithful, loving, mighty, merciful, kind, compassionate, jealous, sovereign, all-knowing...and i could go on and on!

so i started feeling comforted. i've been stressing out about graduating and about a job and just who i am. and reminding myself of just who my God is gave me so much hope.

but then i realized something...

sure...i know these things, i know them to be true and i believe them...

but im just not sure if i believe that God wants to be those things to me right now in my life. im not sure that he wants to show himself mighty in my situation with getting a job.

i have to come back, though. i have to come back to all those things i know to be true of my God, and in the same way that they give me hope and comfort, they must also move me to trust in him with all that i am

...even my job{lessness}.

{mustard seed}.

sxsw 2011

our recent trip to sxsw in austin was so much fun - jam packed with incredible shows, venues, new sounds, lots of walking and as always interesting people. we arrived earlier than we had last year so we were lucky to see a lot more too!  matthew got to meet up with some people, so all in all it was a great trip...

some of my favorite performances were by the lonely forest, kopecky family band, the head and the heart (which we only saw like 2 songs of but they were great!), yellow ostrich, the submarines, and bear hands.  we desperately wanted to see grouplove and the naked and famous, but the lines were a little crazy this year and we didn't make it in.

all that said, if you haven't heard any of the above, do yourself a favor - get a hold of their music and have a great rest of the day. :)

there was this place we saw a couple shows at called swan dive... it was beautiful. all white and vintage inspired...makes me wanna open up a little venue place here

so now that its been a week since south by, i find myself feeling overly creative. last year i was incredibly inspired as well to dig a little deeper into that side of my brain that rarely sees much action between august and may.  so far, i've painted our patio set a bright blue and am working on a couple mixed art pieces too. ill let ya know how that turns out...maybe. :)

i also now have a stronger yearning to broaden the skies a little beyond johnson city in the years ahead. who knows...we'll see i guess!

surprising new sounds

Things have been pretty interesting recently.

My husband has been working on the release of a monthly compilation of the best up and coming indie bands {littlestsounds} and so in the process he's (we've) been listening to a ton of new music everyday.  In this process he received a suggestion from a friend, William Haun, about the group Valley Maker.

I usually adore most of the new music that's been coming in, but this one was different.  For once, I not only felt a rejuvenated by their sound, but also by the purpose behind their self titled project.  They based the entire thing off of the book of Genesis, which I've gotten to study a good bit lately with a group of friends.

So anyways, I'm thrilled to have heard them and even more so to share them with you.

But don't just take my word, check them out for yourself here and here