ten commandments resting on my head...

yesterday my new glasses came in the mail. i had noticed my eyesight was gitting worse - mostly just from being with my husband and realizing all he could see that i couldn’t. i found myself saying in my head “wow! he can see that?! so i should be able to see that clearly?!” over and over again. 

so something had to be done….eye exam. check.

so they come. i immediately rip open the package, put them on, and as i stare out our back porch window, things suddenly became so incredibly clearer. the tan spots across the yard had become individual blades of grass. i could clearly see all the details of the power poles. the things i look at everyday had become so different, so much more clear and defined.

later that evening we were at an engagement party for our friends zac and rebecca and i was telling my mother-in-law about my experience earlier in the day. as i was telling it i couldnt help but think of how it so greatly told the story of the israelites.

 my story. 

i immediately said to her, “its like i was suddenly wearing the ten commandments on my head!!” 

without God’s perfect standard given to us, we think we’re not really that bad, everyone is like this, everyone feels this way…fill in the blank. but when we hold God’s standard of holiness and righteousness up beside our life, when we see just how holy he is and how far we fall from that, we realize the truth of our condition. 

i realized the truth of just how bad my vision really was as soon as i looked through my new glasses. it became apparent that i was actually supposed to be able to see those blades of grass.

so thanks matthew, for being the one to share the good news with me. it wasnt exactly what i wanted to find out - whoa, i cant see. but after i realized it, i now have sight!

its so exciting that through jesus we can truly have life, the life that we’re supposed to have. not the one we’re deceived into thinking we have apart from him, its not life to its fullest. so may we all embrace our need for glasses and not only that…but be the one to simply go through life with those around us, sharing what we see now that we’ve been given a new, truer and clearer perspective of just how things look, so that those who dont know may realize just how much they can’t see, and from there gain sight.

"It changed my life!"

We've all heard someone make this heavy statement after a return from serving abroad.  But what does it really mean? What does this really look like?

After a time of serving overseas, it's often hard to answer the flood of questions you receive when you return.  

"How was your trip?!" 

"Tell me about your trip!"  

With these questions, it becomes almost impossible to know where to even begin describing all you have experienced and learned during your time away.  If you're anything like me, it sometimes takes me a while to process what exactly happened, and begin putting the pieces together into anything that makes sense.

Over a month ago I was asked to share about my recent time in Kenya with a group of people at the church I grew up at.  I had some time to process everything, but really felt God urging me to go deeper.  

I found myself then trying to answer a different question: after all the missions experiences I've been blessed to be part of,  taking place on 4 different continents, how have they shaped me? How have they 'changed my life?' 

After some major time reflecting, and quite a bit of journal digging through the past 6 years, I started relearning those experiences all over again.  I felt that a large part of my time in Kenya was to simply relearn what ministering really looks like.

Looking back, I see that God has shown me that nothing happens without being in communion with Him and in community with my brothers and sisters around me. I love this statement made by Henri Nouwen. 

He says,

    "You cannot not minister if you are in communion with God and live in community. A lot of people are always concerned about" 'How can I help people? Or help the youth come to Christ? Or preach well?' But these are basically nonissues. If you are burning with the love of Jesus, don't worry: everyone will know. They will say, 'I want to get close to this person who is so full of God."

Community is something that doesn't necessarily come natural to us, especially in our culture, but when we cultivate it and model ourselves after the early church we see in scripture, God begins to work in amazing ways through us!

I've also learned so much about how everything we "do" doesn't necessarily mean just "doing." I missed this for many years, and am still learning and wrestling with this concept.  Often, ministering simply means seeing people, spending time with them and just loving on them, even if that means we sometimes feel like we're not "doing" anything at all.  It's not always what I do with my hands, and where I go with my feet, but how I love with my heart.  

Are we always adding value to those around us, wherever we may be?  

Again, Henri Nouwen puts it brilliantly,

    "More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time and freedom to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or be a part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around the urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social or spiritual progress. But I wonder more and more if the first things shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them."

When reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning a few years ago, it hit me that there tends to be two ends to a spectrum when it comes to how we approach life as Christians.  On one end we have the attitude that we are nothing more than lowly, unworthy sinners saved by God's grace and mercy, which is completely correct! And on the other end we have the attitude that says we are somehow worthy of our new identity in Christ and all the hope and love and life that comes with our adoption.  We sometimes forget where we were, and who we used to be before we met Christ.  

Being at either one of these extremes is, well...extremely dangerous.

We must strike a balance between the two.

We must remember where we have been and yes, that we are totally and wholly unworthy, but at the same time realize that we are now joint heirs with Christ.  He has not only justified us through faith, but has made us worthy to receive the life He has for us in Him.

How this plays out in ministry is that we must serve, wherever we are, with a confession of weakness that identifies with whoever we find ourselves ministering the love of God to.

    "The more I think about the meaning of living and acting in the name of Jesus, the more I realize that what I have to offer others is not my intelligence, skill, power, influence, or connections, but my own human brokenness through which the love of God can manifest itself...Ministry is entering with our human brokenness into communion with others and speaking a word of hope. This hope is not based on any power to solve the problems of those with whom we live, but on the love of God, which becomes visible when we let go of our fears of being out of control and enter into His presence in shared confession of weakness."  - Henri Nouwen

My experiences around the globe have shown me that I can do absolutely nothing without Christ. He must be the first. He must be the very last. He must be everything. 

I can do absolutely nothing without you.  I am powerless to truly know Christ or myself without being in authentic community with my brothers and sisters around me.

If I am busy going and doing and can't tell you any names or stories or paint you word pictures of the faces I have seen, then I have missed what God really intended for me to do.

And if I cannot serve from a place that identifies with those I am serving, then I have not been honest with them about the love of God that meets everyone exactly where they are.